Don’t Lose Sight of Your Feet

Tomorrow I find out where I will be, live, and do next year. I, and thousands of other PhD Psychology students will log-in at 10AM to see if we have been chosen for internship-it’s APPIC Match Day. Akin to the ultimate “on-line dating swipe”, only this you commit to for a year, under contract. I may get one of three choices, and I may not get any of my choices. I could, once again, have to apply and wait on an interview then on a match. My fate tossed back into a pool of the unchosen. Even then, nothing is guaranteed, I may not match at all. Then there’s life. It could happen, and who knows what might be the consequence.
I think, in a different time I would have been riding the emotional roller coaster: losing sleep, grinding teeth, and fretting over what could or might be. I may have turned to medication to soothe my nerves and to help me sleep, or spent hours chewing off the ears of friends. I’m surprised, I’ve done none of that. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have an anxious or spiraling moment. The day I made my rankings, I fell apart. It was a week when so many universal life forces merged, making me feel so small and insignificant. I felt as though life continued to move forward all around me, yet I stood there, attempting to wade through the quicksand. It would be easy to drown, if not for the support of friends and my deep sense of knowing, that this feeling is usually temporary. Noticing my distress, a dear friend called upon me to offer a space to process. He said, “You can’t get caught up in all of that, you know where you are. You are right here, now. Don’t lose sight of your feet. If you do that, you’re sure to fall.” This is being present, being mindful. It’s not easy.
Does this mean we can’t plan ahead? Does this mean we shouldn’t look back and learn from our mistakes? It means just this-be here now. Learn from history, but don’t beat yourself up over the stuff you can’t change. Be proactive in the now, put safeguards in place. Plan FOR the future, but don’t plan ON the future. When our focus is too dialed into future, we lose sight of our surroundings, of our feet. We close ourselves off to possibilities all around us. We are reminded time and time again that absolutely NOTHING in life is certain-besides right here and now. Be present, be aware, be open.
*Shout out to friends and family for sticking it through and supporting me on this wild and crazy rollercoaster of a ride to doctor. Especially to my circle, for making togetherness happen, so much love for you all.